Stages of Puberty in Girls

• Around age 10 (or at about 68 pounds), a growth spurt occurs; ovaries begin to secrete sex hormones.
• Around age 11, breast enlargement begins; body shape gradually rounds.
• Around age 12, soft, downy pubic hair and some underarm hair appears.
• Around age 13 (or about 106 pounds), menstruation starts. There may be an inconsistent and irregular discharge at first; pubic hair thickens and speads.

• Around age 11, boys may have a "fat period."
• Around age 12, penis and scrotum begin to increase in size; spontaneous erections occur more often.
• Around age 13, pubic hair grows, followed by growth of underarm and facial hair. Ejaculation and wet dreams possible.
• Around age 14, voice changes occur; weight and height may increase rapidly.

• the way their bodies will change.
• the nature of relationships, between friends, men and women, men and men, women and women, themselves and a parent.
  
• the ups and downs in life, including depression and, sometimes, thoughts of suicide. Your askability is an invaluable asset at this stage. Crises about sexuality and relationships may set off depression and anxiety.
  
• their evolving sexuality. Now they are old enough to discuss the implications of what they think, feel and do. Young adolescents may feel pressure to act as if they know everything even when they are totally lost. Firm guidance from you and good communication with you will help your child. By postponing sexual activity, your teenager decreases the risk of sexually transmitted infections like HIV, and improves the odds against teen pregnancy. With your help, your teenager will develop and maintain a high level of self-esteem and make responsible decisions into adulthood.
• your willingness to talk to them about all aspects of their lives remains important. Even if you prefer that they behave differently, make sure they know you care about their health and well-being.
  
• sexual orientation. Teens are interested in the specifics of heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. They may discover their sexual orientation at this age.
  
• the importance of good health. Adolescents should know about doctor-patient confidentiality, and why it's important that their doctor knows about their sexual habits. Make sure your child understands safer sex and behaviors that reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy.
  
• common physical health concerns. For girls, it may be helpful to discuss pelvic examinations before the first visit to the gynecologist. You may want to talk about common physical health concerns of adolescents. Acne, for example, is a major cause of anxiety, and your support can make life easier.
  

• Why is the teen asking? Your teen might be asking about a long-term possibility, or might want approval for the short term. Maybe he or she wants general information.
• What is the message you want to send? You respect and care about your teen and want to help him or her make the best choices possible.
  
  Possible answer:
  I'm very glad you asked me. I would ask myself several questions if I were thinking about having sex, like: "Do I really care about this person and does this person really care about me? Am I ready to have sex, and do I really want to? Does my partner really want to? Have we agreed on a reliable way to prevent sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy?"
  
  I feel that two people should be able to talk about these things before they have sex. I'd ask myself if I could handle the possible consequences by myself. I know that it's normal for people your age to be interested in sex.
  
  I think sexuality is an important part of life, so let's talk about it some more. Let's talk about what you think you might want in a relationship.
  

Opening a conversation with a teen
Starting an intimate conversation with a teen can be difficult if you've not talked much about intimate subjects before. It's important not to invade a teen's privacy, and it may be easier to start a conversation by talking about a television character, for example. Questions such as "How do you feel...?" allow for more conversation opportunities than questions that can be answered with a "yes" or a "no."

Questions about your child's friends are an excellent way to show that you're interested in your child's social life. By finding out what your child's friends are doing, you have an opportunity to find out what your child thinks. Children at this and all ages need to know that if they are doing something "wrong," it is the behavior you object to, not them.

The next steps
You can influence your child by listening, observing behavior and by talking with him or her. By providing up-to-date information, you give your child (and yourself) a chance to make informed decisions. The child with a strong, positive, proud sense of his or her sexuality will make careful, responsible decisions. And thanks to you, your child may well grow up to be an Askable Parent too!